Our First Little Angel

A year ago today marks the worst night Josh and I had ever experienced in our lives.  It's a little hard to believe that a year has gone by already, but at the same time, so much has happened and we have new hope and something wonderful that we're looking forward to.

Last fall, I was taking a writing class and was asked to write an essay about a picture.  We were supposed to look at that picture and tell a story about it.  Whether it was about that specific day or a memory tied to that picture.  I chose the ultrasound picture of our first baby.

I'm going to share that essay today as it describes a little of what Josh and I went through a year ago.



You don't ever think it will happen to you because no one ever suspects anything bad will happen to them or at least they hope it doesn't. How could this happen to us? We had just been in to see the heartbeat for the first time just two days before. We had already started making plans. We had already started buying clothes and picking out names. We had hopes and dreams and suddenly, that was all taken away. 

Only two days after we had our first, and only, ultrasound, I started experiencing the early symptoms of a miscarriage. I immediately knew something was wrong and that the outcome wouldn’t be good. I was hysterical and inconsolable. However, my midwife, mother and husband all tried to reassure me that it could be something else and that I should rest and that everything would turn out okay.

My husband and I were actually camping at the coast with our good friends when it all started. Looking back on it now, I realize I should have gone home right away, but in that moment for some reason I was much more concerned about “ruining anyone's good time” and I made the decision to stay the night.

The next couple of days, after we had come home, were full of uncertainty as I continued to have some of the symptoms of a miscarriage but still had no real idea of what was happening. A few of my friends had experienced the same thing I was going through and had gone on to carry their pregnancies to term and have very healthy babies. My midwife didn't think I needed to come in and they told me to only go to the emergency room if the symptoms got significantly worse in a short amount of time. So there was no real way for us to know what was happening and that left us feeling very scared but we held onto hope.

However, by the night of August thirteenth, what little hope we had was gone. It was the absolute worst night of my entire life. I had been on bed rest all day and had been feeling much better, but at about 11:30 that night my symptoms got worse within a matter of minutes and my husband made the decision to rush me to the hospital.

I don't remember much of the drive because I was in so much pain, but from what I do remember, I have never, in all of our years together, seen him drive so fast. We live in Veneta, Oregon which is usually about a thirty minute drive into town where the closest hospital is but it took us only ten minutes to get there. He passed three cars in a non passing lane, ran three stoplights and was driving 90 miles per hour in a 55 mile per hour speed zone.  The drive to me though, felt like eternity. At that point, we both knew.

The emergency room was a blur of nurses, needles, IV's, ultrasounds, crying, and the worst news I have ever heard in my life. The confirmation that we had in fact, lost our baby.

It was over just like that.  The future we thought we were going to have, gone.  All of the years we'll never get, the cry or laugh I'll never get to hear, the sweet, soft cheeks I'll never get to kiss. All the things I thought were guaranteed when I found out I was pregnant, vanished. The perfect little bundle that we thought we were going to get to meet and take home in March was gone in an instant.

I left the hospital that night completely empty. My arms were empty, my body was empty, and my heart was empty. I don't know if that emptiness in my heart will ever completely feel full again. There will always be a part of me, a part of my heart and soul, that left this world with my baby.

The weeks that followed this night were very difficult. Learning to cope with the pain, sadness and emptiness was overwhelming and still is. My husband and I have had to lean on each other and get each other through this. It's the worst experience that we have ever been through together.  Learning to deal with people trying to be there for us and putting up with their ignorance, even though they mean well, has been a task all in itself.

I think one of the worst things about losing our baby, is that fact that no one gets it, and even then, no one knows how to respond. I feel that in our society, miscarriage is so taboo and nobody talks about it. Therefore, no one knows what to say when it happens to someone they know.

Before I had experienced this nightmare myself, I really didn't know what it meant to lose a child or how to handle the situation when it happened to someone else. I now feel bad for any time that I may have said the wrong thing or just didn't know how to react at all to someone who went through this.

I've noticed that most people brush it off and don't think it's a big deal, because “You weren't that far along...” or “It just wasn't meant to be...” or even worse, “At least it happened now because it probably would've been born with something wrong with it...” Then there's my absolute favorite and one that I have heard so many times that I lost count, “It's so common...” The thing is, cancer is common, dying of old age is common, Alzheimers is common, but telling someone who's been diagnosed with any of those things or has just lost someone due to any of those does not make them feel any better. So why would you tell a mother who just lost their unborn child that?

I already knew how “common” it was going into the pregnancy, but I hoped and prayed that I wasn't part of that 30%.  Unfortunately, no matter how many times you read the statistics and learn what not to do, and then do everything you can to ensure the health and well being of your baby, something can still go wrong. We never thought it could happen to us. Most parents never suspect a bad thing will happen to them or to their child. But somehow, for some reason it does.

The only thing that has gotten me through this experience, is that everything happens for a reason. Somewhere out there, there is a reason and hopefully someday we will realize all the reasons why this happened to us. This is what I continue to tell people who talk to me about my miscarriage. Yes, it is common. It doesn't matter how far along I was, I still lost my baby along with any future I thought I had with it. My baby was meant to be, for just as long as it was here, because every life has a purpose and my baby had a reason for being here and impacting our lives. There is a reason that I lost my baby, and though I may be realizing those reasons for the rest of my life, I will always hold on to the fact that I learned something from my baby and the experience I went through. If for no other reason, then to know how to better be there and be a comfort to someone when they go through this unfathomable experience themselves. 

I fully comprehend that if we hadn't lost our first, and even our second pregnancy that we wouldn't be where we are today.  28 weeks and 1 day pregnant with our little miracle baby boy.  I thank God for him every day and feel so unbelievably grateful for him, and that he is healthy and growing so big safe and sound inside of me.  But it breaks my heart that I feel like my body failed my other two babies.  I wasn't able to keep them safe.

As I feel my son move and kick inside me as I'm writing this though, I am reminded that if we hadn't lost our other two angels, for whatever reason, we wouldn't have him.  We also wouldn't fully understand what an incredible gift he is.  If there was any good to come out of what Josh and I went through in the past year, it's how much closer we became and how much stronger we are together, but also, to not take something as truly amazing as the gift of life for granted.

For some people, it's very easy to get pregnant, stay pregnant and have perfectly normal pregnancies that result in perfect babies.  For others, it's a struggle... and I'm not saying that those who it comes easier to don't understand what a miracle their children are, but I know, because of what happened to us, that I will always cherish my children's lives and will always be in awe of the miracle they are.

I am blessed.  I am blessed to have a loving, supportive husband by my side every step of the way.  I don't know how we would've gotten through all of this without one another.  I am blessed to have a healthy son on the way.  I was also blessed with two angels who taught me one of the greatest lessons I will ever learn.  I will forever be grateful to all of my babies for everything they have taught me.


To our first little angel: Thank you for everything you taught us even though you were only with us a short time.  We will never forget you and never stop loving you.

Long time no blog!

So it's been quite awhile since I've posted, but I've obviously been a little busy. The wedding came and went and I can't believe it's been almost a month since I said "I do"! It was absolutely amazing and a day I will always remember and cherish.

I've heard multiple people say it was one of the best weddings that they have ever been to and that makes me so happy and makes me feel like all the planning was worth it! Josh and I both enjoyed our wedding a lot, and it really couldn't have gone better. The two surprises I planned for Josh even went off without a hitch! Josh was able to sing with On the Rocks during the reception thanks to alumni from both On the Rocks and Outspoken and two very special bridesmaids to sing tenor and beat box. They all learned the one song that Josh said he wanted to sing with On the Rocks at our wedding, The Moment, a song that the current group of On the Rocks sings. It was wonderful and Josh had no idea, so bringing him down the hall into a room before the wedding to show him, "Some friends that were there to see him...", and then having them start singing the song and having Josh not even be able to sing the first part of the song because he was so choked up was the greatest thing for me to see :)


I was also able to surprise him with a grooms cake that my friend Joanne made. I decided I wanted to do this for him near the beginning of our engagement and knew I wanted to incorporate World of Warcraft into our wedding somehow because it's been such a sore spot in our life, but since it's so important to Josh I wanted to sort of say, "Even though I hate how much you play the damn game, I appreciate your love for it, and I love you no matter what." I think my point came across, and I could tell he just loved it.

Well, now that our wedding is over, nothing has really changed. We're living in the same house, with our same roommates, and the same jobs. We took about a week or two to get all of our new stuff settled in the house, and now our house is clean and back to normal. We spent about 10 months making a mess out of it and it's now finally liveable again, lol.

We're now preparing to have a garage sale in the next couple of weeks to clear out the garage and all of the old stuff that we don't need anymore. After that we're finally leaving on our honeymoon!

We were actually supposed to have already left and been back by now but we had to change the dates of our honeymoon because Josh applied for an amazing job opportunity. He applied to be a 911 call taker for the city of Eugene and his application was accepted and so he then had to sign up for the first part of testing, which he passed, and then the dates of the second part of the testing was scheduled during our honeymoon. We decided together that it was more beneficial for our future to have him take the test and even risk not getting the job then to not know at all if he'd get it or not and leave for our honeymoon earlier.

So we'll see how that goes! I'll do my best to keep you all updated with how married life is going :)

2 months left to go!

Well, it's June 21st, which means we only have 2 months to go before the wedding! Am I excited? Of course? Am I nervous? Not at all... Am I freaking out? Hell yes!

It's not getting down to the wire and I'm feeling like all of the little things that I kept talking about are just piling up around me, and it's getting a little insane. Luckily I have my mom helping me with a lot of it and Josh has even been helping out a lot.

I'm getting really anxious and excited though! I can't believe 8 months has gone by so quickly and I just know this next 2 months will go even quicker!

In 2 months I'll be Mrs. Megan Lenhardt! Ahh!

That's all for today... got too much to do!

Music

So as you can see we only have a few months left before our wedding, but we still have a lot to do. So, so many little things. But the main thing that we've been stressing about is money. Last month our old roommate moved out and we had planned on having someone else move in but at the last minute that person kind of bailed on us. Having roommates leading up to the wedding was helping save money for it, but now that we won't have one for the next 3 months we're kind of freaking out about whether or not we're going to be able to save enough. Needless to say, we kind of got screwed over, but we're working on figuring it out.

I've been stressing majorly about all of this along with the fact that there's still a lot to get done, but the other day I got in my car and decided to play my wedding playlist on my drive up to Salem. This is actually a playlist I made before Josh even proposed and we had already decided all of the music that we wanted played and sung at our wedding. I listened to all the songs. The processional, the song that I'll walk down the aisle to, the song that will be sung during the ceremony, our first dance, my father daughter dance... all of them. I just sat and listened, of course cried a little, and realized that this is what my wedding is really about. It doesn't matter if everything is perfect... it doesn't matter if everything I wanted isn't there because we can't afford it, what matters is that I'm marrying the love of my life and that what brought us together, music, is playing such a big role in our wedding.

That's the part that I started planning months, maybe even a year, before I was even engaged, and sometimes I just need to remember to listen to those songs to bring me back and remind me of why I'm doing all of this work. It's not about the money, it's not about the food or the flowers, it's about us, and the promise we will make to each other that day in front of all of the people we care most about.

We have a a saying hung on our wall in our living room that reads, "Love is a friendship set to music", and in our case, that's precisely what it is : )

129 days!

129 days and counting! I can't believe the big day is getting so close. We have been getting a lot done in the last few weeks, but we still have a lot to do.

Josh and I went and bought his suit at Macy's last week, and were also able order all of the groomsmens matching ties! Josh looks so handsome in his suit and I think he's pretty happy with it.

My mom and I have been working a lot on getting everything prepared to make the invitations. It will definitely be a long process but I think it will be worth it in the end financially. We've also been working on getting all of the decorations and everything together as well. So much work and so many little details.

I've also finalized everything with the florist and have that all done, which was a big thing that I wanted to get worked out.

Josh and I also went to Salem last weekend to meet with Dan, who will be the officiant at our wedding, to figure out the ceremony and how we're going to want everything to go. It was really great to get that all worked out, and was actually really exciting to think about the actual ceremony and how amazing it's going to be. I'm getting kind of nervous about our vows. We've decided to write our own, and as amazing as it will be, I still have to write them, and I don't even know where to start!

That same day I also went to the bridal shop where I got my dress to meet with alterations, and also pick out my jewelry. They had a trunk show there that day for a woman named Meg who has a line called MEG Jewelry, and she was there that day and helped me pick out the jewelry I will wear on my wedding day. It was all so beautiful, and I found the perfect set of earrings and a necklace. I also ended up buying my veil and ordering my shoes that day. I got a lot done, and it felt good to have all the things I needed done for me out of the way.

It's amazing to me that I had no idea how much work would go into planning a wedding! It's all going to be worth it in the end, I know, but I just wish it wasn't so stressful. I want to pull my hair out and cry some days, but I remind myself that this wedding is something I will only get to do once, and I should cherish this time, as crazy as it all is.

My Better Half

So Josh and I just got back from a trip with Divisi to Los Angeles. Divisi competed in the Intenational Championship of Collegiate A Cappella while we were down there and placed 2nd, which wasn't what we were hoping for but we're excited about it regardless. Divisi had a blast all being down there together and even got to go to Disneyland for a day. But what made this trip in particular so amazing, was watching my fiance be so unbelievably amazing!

What did he do that was so amazing, you ask?... Well, he volunteered himself to drive a 15 passenger van full of 11 college aged girls, me and one other girl followed in our car, all the way down to and around LA! That in itself was enough for me to love him and appreciate him even more than I already did, but he did it with more patience than I could ever dream of having. He stayed calm in situations, he problem solved and figured things out, and took control of situations that needed a leader, and all 13 of them still loved him! All the girls just fell in love with him, and he had way more fun than he thought he would.

I just couldn't get over how much better of a person he is than I will ever be when it comes to having patience and solving problems in a calm manner. The fact that he could step in and take on somewhat of a leadership role in a group of girls that barely knew him and 3 days later they are completely in love with him, is beyond me. He gained their love and respect, and he didn't demand it, he earned it and deserved it.

He is an amazing, kind, giving, and patient person, and someone that I truly look up to. When I was so fed up with the girls at times that I just got annoyed and walked away, or was so frustrated that I took it out on Josh, I would look back at him, and there he was working it all out, with all the patience that I couldn't find.

I told him on the drive home, how much I appreciated him being there, and that I really fell in love with him more each day that I saw him with all of my friends, and how he handled all of those situations. He continued to receive texts from Divisi on the trip back about how much they missed him and appreciated him, as well. It's really something when a group of 13 other women who also happen to be your friends all like, no... love your fiance. I think it says something about who you're marrying, and I realized, again, for the 80 millionth time, how amazing the man I get to marry is.

He's more patient than I will ever be, has more love in his heart than I thought he did, and is really, truly, my better half.

My dress!

My dress is here, my dress is HERE! I just got a call yesterday that my wedding gown came in to the shop and I get to go try it on and have my first fitting! Eeeeee! I'm so excited! My mom and I made an appointment for next Wednesday morning to go see and try it on, and I can't wait! MY dress for MY wedding, ahhh!

We also got our save the dates all sent out in the mail the other day. Josh and I went to the post office together to put all the stamps on them and we had them all in a stack ready to go, and we opened the door to the mail box together, and set them in, and I looked at him and asked, "Ready?", and then we closed the door. We both got really excited about it, even though we were both at the same time a little nervous. Not nervous to get married, like I told him the other day, I'd marry him tomorrow if I could, but nervous because now the wedding's really going to happen. I have to have a whole wedding planned in almost 5 months... there's no turning back now. The deadline has been set!

Besides being busy planning the wedding, Josh and I are also still both busy working our jobs, and picking up as many extra shifts to save as much as we can before the wedding. We've also recently been talking about looking into and getting more information to buy a house. With this $8000 tax credit we kind of feel like it'd be pretty stupid of us to not at least look into seeing if it's even a possibility. So wish us luck! We're going to be contacting a lender soon to see if this can really happen and how much we're approved for! I hope we can, because it'd be so nice to be able to have a house that's all our own and start our married life settled in our own home : )

The Countdown has begun!

... Just because....


Custom Countdown Clock

Weddings, weddings, here we come!

Well, it's been a little over a month since my last post and plans are coming along for the wedding coming up. It's less then 6 months away, and the time seems to keep flying by. There's a lot that's been done but there's still a lot to do!

I've been meeting with my mom every week to work on stuff for the wedding and she's been helping me stay on track and take care of things, which is wonderful. We've been addressing save-the-dates and have those almost ready to go out!

Yesterday we met my youngest sister Hannah, and maid of honor, and bridesmaid Jaime at David's Bridal to pic out the bridesmaid dresses. I already had a good idea of the one I wanted them to try on when I went in there but I had them try on a few different ones just in case, but they and I both loved the one that I had previously picked out. So now all that's left is for my bridesmaid to order them!

Later that day, I called Josh's older sister, Elizabeth back because she'd called me that morning and she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding this June! Now, for those who don't know, she is also one of the bridesmaids at my wedding and Josh is a groomsmen in hers and her fiance, Mark is a groomsmen in our wedding as well! I just feel so honored that she asked me to be a part of her special day : )

I'm so excited for both weddings coming up! It's going to be such a big, important summer for all of us and I'm just so happy!

Still have a lot to do for mine though....

I have to send the save-the-dates, book a florist, finalize the menu with the caterer, pick out the groomsmen's outfits, find Josh a suit, and much, much more... so many details! Ahh!

Three years

So Josh and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary on Wednesday! I can NOT believe it's been 3 years... it's crazy how fast time goes by when you're so wrapped up in the amazing life you're living : )

It was a pretty low key day... I worked until 4pm and he got off work at about the same time. We both got home and watched a little TV and... fell asleep on the couch. We woke up at about 7pm and Josh went to the grocery store and went to work in the kitchen. I wasn't allowed to come in until he was done.

He called me in about an hour later and the table was set with two enormous steaks, twice baked potatoes with bacon, cheesy garlic bread, and salad. It was DELISH!!! Such a wonderful anniversary dinner that I didn't have to make : )

Later that night we got to talking about wedding stuff, and I was trying to describe how I want the tables and dance floor to be set up for the reception, so I opened up Paint on the computer so I could quickly draw up little rectangles to show what I was talking about. I thought Josh was listening and cared what I was talking about, and actually got excited about the fact that he wanted to be involved when he took the mouse from me and added a few rectangles only to then say.... "It looks like Wall-E!", and then proceeded to hum the song from Wall-E/Hello Dolly, Put on Your Sunday Clothes........

Needless to say, I'm marrying a 25 year old with the attention span of a 5 year old and the sense of humor of a 3 year old... and I couldn't be happier!

Look what I did!

Well, it is 5:30am... and I can't sleep, so look what I found!

Duration calculation results

From and including: Thursday, January 14, 2010
To, but not including : Saturday, August 21, 2010

It is 219 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date

Or 7 months, 7 days excluding the end date

Alternative time units

219 days can be converted to one of these units:

• 18,921,600 seconds
• 315,360 minutes
• 5256 hours
• 31 weeks (rounded down)

I really can't believe in a little over 7 months I will be marrying the love of my life! It's still unreal to me sometimes that I even found him. In less than a week we celebrate our 3 year anniversary!

Technically we've been together a little longer than that, but Josh wanted to officially ask me to be his girlfriend on a "good date" and do it a special way : ) I don't remember what date we started hanging out and I don't remember the date of our "first date"... but I do remember and will always remember that our first kiss was on December 6th, 2006, and that Josh came over to my dad's on January 20th, 2007 and asked me to come outside, where he gave me a single red rose and "officially" asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn't realize it then, but that was my last first kiss ever and that I was saying "yes" to the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with...

I'm the luckiest woman in the world : )

Honeymoon and things!

So, Josh and I have finally decided what we're doing for our honeymoon! We're so excited! Our very good friends, Peter and Evynne Hollens work on Royal Caribbean cruise ships, and will be on one during our wedding : ( BUT we have decided to join them for our honeymoon! It is a 7 day cruise of the Greek Isles that ports out of Venice, Italy!

We're just starting to book everything, and get it all figured out, but we are so excited! We're not going to go on the cruise until October of 2010 because flights are so much cheaper, so we'll probably take a weekend away to the coast right after the wedding.

I cannot wait until we get to go on this amazing trip! Neither Josh or I have been anywhere like this before. If anyone has any fun ideas for what to do in Italy (Venice or Milan) please let me know!


I also wanted to let all of our friends and family our there know about a wonderful book that Josh's mom, Carla, got me for Christmas. It's called, "Night Light: A Devotional for Couples" by James and Shirley Dobson. Josh and I have been reading it together every night. It's absolutely wonderful! You read a chapter a week, and we've figured out that we'll be done with the book a few months before our wedding. I recommend this book to anyone and everyone : )

Wedding Update

Well, after yesterday's little update on life, I thought I'd also give a little update on how all of the wedding planning is going.

I've kind of had to take a break from it all with the holidays and everything. I'm always planning little things here and there in my head. Thinking of new ideas for centerpieces and decorations, but haven't done any concrete planning, which i need to do. I have my trusty little planning notebook that I got from my mom when we got engaged, and in it is a check list on a time line... here's what I need to have done that I haven't done yet.

• book florist
• book videographer
• reserve accommodations for out-of-town guests
• book any necessary rentals
• choose wedding party ( I have all 8 of mine, but Josh only has 5.... )

So that's everything that was supposed to be done by the 8 month mark, so I'm not too far behind, but here's everything that needs to be done by the 6 month mark.

• order bridesmaid dresses
• plan honeymoon (planned, just have to book flights and cruise)
• book ceremony musicians (already asked all of our friends who are playing or singing during the wedding, now we have to find a good sound guy)
• finalize plans with caterer and florist
• send your save-the-dates

Again, not too much, but I really want to be ahead of schedule because I don't want to go crazy the last few months before the wedding.

My biggest concern right now is the florist. I really want to get that booked and figured out ASAP. If anyone has any ideas or advice on that, or anything on the list, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks, and wish me luck!

2010

Well, it's been awhile since my last post... I'm sorry. I've been quite busy with work, and the holidays, and everything as I'm sure everyone else was.

Josh and I had a wonderful four Christmases at all of our family's houses! We got to see everyone in two days, and while it was exhausting, it was totally worth it to be with everyone that we love!

Our New Years Eve was a little less eventful. I worked all night and Josh also had to work but was able to come in and see me to give me my New Years kiss : )

It is the new year though, 2010, the year Josh and I get married! It's going to be a big year for us, and one that we will never forget! I can't believe it's only less than 8 months away! I have a lot done but still have a lot to do! I can't wait for it to get here though!

Thankful

Well, since the Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone and we're already getting into the Christmas season, I thought I should catch up and write about what I'm most thankful for this year.

This is the first, last, and only holiday season that I'll be a "fiancee" and in just one year from now I'm going to be a wife! Josh and I will have been married for about 3 months and hopefully in the process of getting ready to buy a house. The wedding will be over, and we won't be having to worry about all of the planning and saving money. We'll just be able to enjoy each other as husband and wife.

But for now, I'm still a "fiancee" and really enjoying it a lot! With this holiday came lots of time spent with our families, which reminded me how blessed we both are to have such big, wonderful, and supportive families. At Thanksgiving dinner, my Uncle Jeff said a few words before grace, as he always does, and this year he mentioned that he was thankful that he'll soon have a new nephew in Josh. It meant so much to me that our marriage also means a lot to my family, and it made me realize how blessed Josh is to now be a part of my family, but also how blessed they are to have him in their family, because he really just is amazing!

I'm also thankful for the fact that we both have such amazing and giving parents to help us out so much with our wedding. It would not be the event it will be without their help! I'm also thankful that Josh and I both have the opportunity to work as much as we do, or at all with this economy, and be able to save as much as we are for our wedding. Having roommates is a blessing as well right now because without them, we also wouldn't be able to save as much as we are. It's a struggle sometimes, and honestly, being newly engaged in a house of 4 people isn't easy, but we make it work because we know what it's all going towards, and that makes it all worth it.

One other thing that I realized I am so thankful for this year, especially just within these past couple of weeks, is my fiance. Not only is he my fiance and the love of my life, but he is my best friend, and I couldn't be happier that I get to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm so glad and thankful for our strong and stable relationship as well. Don't get me wrong, we have our issues every so often, but our love and stability has never wavered. We've taught each other how to work our problems out in a thoughtful and respectful manner, and nothing ever gets left unresolved or unsaid. I'm also thankful for the respect we have for each other and for our relationship. Again, don't get me wrong, we're not perfect, and sometimes words are thrown out that aren't meant, but at the end of the day, I respect him more as a person, fiance, and friend than I do anyone else, and I know he feels the same.

Our relationship has grown so much over the past 3 years, but one thing that has never changed is our love for each other, and the way we find ourselves sometimes just smiling and staring at the other person. I'm in utter disbelief sometimes at the amount of love I have for just one person, and I am just so thankful to have been so lucky to have found him and to be able to share my life with him.

Blessed

So, on Sunday night Josh and I were invited to his mom, Carla's house for dinner with the family because his sister, Elizabeth's fiance, Mark's mum and step-dad were in town from London. We already don't get that many opportunities to drive to Salem to see his mom all that often, let alone have the opportunity so spend time and get to know Mark's family, so we were both going to try really hard to go and see them.

Josh unfortunately couldn't get the night off from work, so I decided to go up by myself. Now, I'm not one for driving... alone, especially at night, and even more when I'm tired. It was tough, and I had to slap myself to keep myself awake on the way there, but I have never been more happy to have made that drive than I was that night.

I had such a wonderful time with his whole family! Honestly, I was a little nervous, because even though I've known his family for about 3 years now, I've never spent time with them without Josh, but as soon as I got there I realized, there was absolutely no reason for nerves.

I know I already knew this about them, but they are all the most amazingly sweet, and caring family I've ever met. I just love them all, and it was so wonderful to be able to spend time with them because I left that night feeling so extremely blessed to be marrying into such an incredible family.

I really do just love his mom, and she's always been so sweet to me, and his sister is amazing and so sweet too. The rest of his family that was there, his Aunt Rosie, Unlce John, Grandma Barbara, cousin Faye and her kids Taylor and Jack, his step-dad Gary, and then of course, Mark and his lovely family, Jean and John, are really, truly all amazing people, and it's so wonderful that we're all going to be one family now.

I don't know what it was about this night that made me realize all of this, because I've always known his family was amazing. Not only his mom's side, but also his dad, Brad and his step-mom, Donna, and that whole side of the family. Since the beginning they have all been so wonderful to me and welcomed me in with open arms. I guess it was just the fact that I didn't have Josh there, and it was just me getting to talk to each person individually rather than Josh and I as a team, and maybe it was the fact that I got to really see how open and inviting they were to just me... I don't know. It just really hit me though, that these people are amazing, and they're letting me be a part of this amazing family they have.

I've always had a big family, who are all so loving and supportive, but it's just really and truly a blessing to get to add to that big family, and know that these people that were strangers to me just 3 years ago, are now a part of me and who I will become, and be a part of me and Josh, and our children's lives forever. It's really just so special, and I really do just feel so blessed.

Engagement Pictures!

We finally went and picked up our engagement pictures that our good friend, Coquette Lawrence took for us! We love them and are very happy with them! It's so great that we were able to get pictures in the park where Josh proposed! Hope you enjoy them!

One month down...

So today is the 11th... it has been one month since Josh and I got engaged. My how the time flies! It really does not seem like it's been that long! I still feel like it was yesterday that he took me on that walk, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him!

It's still so strange that this time in our lives is even actually finally here! I mean, I had been waiting for him to ask for about a year... or maybe a little longer ; ) ... and now he has and it's already been a month? It just doesn't seem real still.

I hope that the next 9 months don't fly by quite as fast as this last one, because as much as I want our wedding to get here, I don't want it to be over either, because all I keep hearing is that the day goes by so fast. I just want to keep enjoying this time right now, all of the planning and being a "fiance" because I'll never be one again, and I hope that the wedding takes it's time getting here, because it'll be over before I know it! And then after that, it won't be, "Wow, it's been a month," it'll be, "Wow, it's been 50 years... how did that happen?"

Well, here's to the next 9 months! Let's hope they pass slowly : )

Catching up!

So sorry it's been a little while since my last blog post... been keeping busy, not only with planning the wedding but with work, school, and helping out Divisi. Let's see if I can get you all filled in on everything...

Since my last posting I went to Salem to get my measurements done for my dress, and they had the sample there so I got to try it on again. My youngest sister, and other maid of honor, Hannah, was also able to come with us this time, along with my mom, my sister Beth, and bridesmaid, Jaime.

The great part about it being in Salem was the fact that Josh's mom, Carla, and older sister, Elizabeth, were able to meet us there and see me in the dress and also be apart of it all. I also got to ask Elizabeth to be my bridesmaid while we were there that night. It was actually kind of funny how it happened though. My mom didn't know that I hadn't asked Elizabeth yet, and we were taking pictures and she told all of the bridesmaids to get in the picture, so Hannah, Beth, and Jaime stood up and got in, and she said, "Elizabeth, you too!". Elizabeth of course was a little confused, and had no idea what she was talking about. So I told her to come over, and asked her to be my bridesmaid, and she was so happy, as was I!

I got to try on a few more veils to get a better idea of what I wanted, but I wont decide until I've picked out jewelry and everything else. My dress is supposed to come in in March, which is when I'll go in for my first fitting! I can't wait to see and wear my dress!

Let's see, what else... we got some engagement pictures done by our family friend, Coquette Lawrence which we will probably use for our save the dates, our engagement announcement in the newspaper, and probably around the house : )

We found a caterer! Another family friend, Jeff Lewis, will be doing the catering at the wedding. He did it at my cousin's wedding last summer, and did an amazing job! We still have to figure out a menu with him, but we'll do that soon.

Just yesterday, Josh and I drove to Portland to meet with Dan Adams, who has been a friend of his dad's since they met in seminary school. Dan was a priest for many years, but recently became a flight attendant, so he caught a flight into Portland that morning to meet us and the rest of Josh's family for brunch. We asked him to officiate our wedding, and we are just so happy and blessed to have such a wonderful person who knows us so well to do that for us.

Also that day we met with a potential photographer who offers a one hour free photo session to take some photos to see if the connection is good, because he believes that since we'll spend most of the day with him on our wedding, we should like him and get along. We're going to see the photos he took and talk a little more with him next week, so I'll let you know how that goes!

I think that's about everything... we have a lot of the stuff figured out, but let's see...

• ceremony and reception site- Riverbend Resort
• caterer- Jeff Lewis
• photographer- either Sarah McAallister or Ten18 Photography
• cake- Josh's step sister, Alisha
• officiant- Dan
• DJ- DJ Coco... did I mention for free? : D
  
• music throughout- all of our wonderful, talented friends from On the Rocks and Divisi
• dress- The Bridal Gallery

We still need to find a florist so if anyone has any suggestions, I would really appreciate it!

Josh and I have also been talking about our honeymoon and it's down to two places. Maui, Hawaii or a cruise of Greece, Turkey, and Croatia. My aunt and uncle offered their condo on Maui for us to stay at, which would be wonderful, and the only thing we'd have to pay for is the flight, and food and fun when we get there. The cruise is actually one that our good friends Peter and Evynne Hollens will be working on next summer, and unfortunately preventing them from coming to our wedding : ( But if we go on their cruise, not only will it be amazing, and somewhere Josh and I have never been, but we'll get to see them, and share this time with them. Decisions, decisions...

I think that's everything for now! Until next time... and hopefully it will be sooner than 2 weeks from now ; )

August 21, 2010

Well, we have a date! We're booking the date at the Riverbend Resort this week! I'm so relieved to have that done and out of the way. It was hard. We found so many beautiful places, but most of them were either out of our price range, or too small, or didn't have what we were looking for, and while the Riverbend Resort isn't perfect, it's pretty darn close, and for the price we're getting it for, we'll take it!

It's just outside of Harrisburg, and it's right on the river. It's really pretty, and the outside isn't quite what we pictured for the ceremony bu the inside for the reception is perfect! Plus it's a resort so it has 10 rooms that come at a discount to us plus 9 others for people to rent, AND a complimentary suite for Josh and I the night of the wedding! I'm very excited! We still have a few more questions and details to iron out, but as of right now, that's the plan.


Other happy news, I found my dress already! I went to the Oregon Wedding Showcase with my mom, my sister and maid of honor, Beth, and one of my bridesmaids, Jaime, and we had so much fun. I really wasn't planning on try ing on a dress at all because I had only been engaged for like, a week, and didn't feel it was necessary yet, but then I saw one on a manequin and decided why not? It was perfect! I loved it from the second I put it on. I decided to try on a few otheres but ended up coming back to that one. I was crying, my mom, and Beth and Jaime were crying... it was very special. We bought and ordered it that day. The awesome thing is, is the bridal shop is in Salem so Carla and Elizabeth, Josh's mom and sister, can come to all the fittings and everything! It's very exciting!

I have pictures for anyone who wants to see, just send me your email address! But please do NOT post them anywhere online... the last thing I want is for Josh to them before the wedding ; )

Josh and I also had our engagement party last night which was so so much fun! Our wonderful friends, Haley, Johanna, and Rachelle hosted a wonderful evening for us, and our friend Courtney flew out from Utah and surprised me! It was so great!

So far I'm really enjoying the whole experience, and I'll try to keep you all uupdated as best as I can! Oh! If anyone has any recommendations or